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Joe & Petunia - Coastguard


PETUNIA:  Oh it’s ever so nice and peaceful up here, Joe. Nice view, too.

JOE:  Aye, very nice Petunia. And look at that nice little boat. He’s having a lot of fun out there in his nice little dinjy. That’s what they call them, you know, sailing dinjies.

PETUNIA:  Aren’t they nice people at our hotel, Joe?

JOE:  Hey hey! Hello! Now he’s splicing his main brace.

PETUNIA:  Though I don’t think the man on table six is very nice.

JOE:  Ey, do you think he’s in trouble, Petunia?

PETUNIA:  Ooh no, Joe, he’s just enjoying himself on holiday.

JOE:  Oh, he’s decided to have a swim. Now he’s going to climb back again. I expect that water’s a bit cold, don’t you? Oh, oh, he’s changed his mind. Now he’s waving to us. Coooeeee! I can’t say I recognise him, though.

PETUNIA:  Well he must know us. Maybe it’s the gent on table number six?

JOE:  No it’s not him, he’s much...Oh now he’s shouting. LOVELY DAY, IS’NT IT? SAILOR: HELP HELP! DIAL 999 AND ASK FOR THE COASTGUARD.

JOE:  I can’t hear a word he’s saying, you know. JOE, reading: Dial 999... and... ask... for... the... coast...guard... Well I never!

VOICEOVER: If you see a boat you think may be in distress, dial 999 and ask for the coastguard.


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